Masturbation
05/02/25
Betty Dodson was a pioneer in the world of sexual liberation and women's sexual empowerment, best known for her groundbreaking work in promoting self-pleasure, body positivity, and open conversations about female sexuality.
She was influential in pioneering the idea that the first time you have sex is when you masturbate. Yes, masturbation IS sex. You’ve likely been having sex since you were 11 or 12! In her book, Sex for One, Betty explores the complexities of solo sexuality, emphasizing self-discovery, empowerment, and the importance of embracing pleasure without shame.
When clients come to therapy with libido differences, one of my very first questions is “what does masturbation/solo play look like for each of you?” and so many times I get the surprised look of “huh”. So many people refrain or reduce the amount and variety of solo play because they are partnered.
And that hurts my little heart! Because solo play emphasizes an opportunity for you to practice self-discovery, empowerment and non-performative pleasure.
In her seminal book, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, Betty challenged puritanical ideas about sexuality and placed the power of pleasure back in the hands of individuals. In it, she dismantled cultural myths about sex needing to be relational or goal-oriented. Instead, she framed solo sex as a practice of self-respect and bodily wisdom.
Masturbation provides physical, emotional, and psychological discovery. It is NORMAL. It is HEALTHY. It is FUNNNNN. It helps you understand your own body. Did that feel good? Did that feel uncomfortable? It helps you try new things, practice new techniques and develop new appetites. And while this knowledge can lead to better communication of your needs and overall sexual satisfaction in partnered sex, we don’t masturbate for the the WE, we masturbate for the ME. It strengthens your sense of body autonomy and personal desire.
Its also a great stress relief! Masturbation can trigger the release of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, which are natural mood boosters. This chemical shift can reduce stress, help you sleep better, and even improve your mood! Who doesn’t LOVE that?
Wants some health benefits? For people with vaginas, regular masturbation promotes pelvic floor health and improve lubrication. For people with penises, it may help with ejaculatory control and even lower the risk of prostate cancer, according to some studies. It’s also the safest sex you will ever have, with a whopping 100% safe sex sticker. You will never get an STI or get pregnant! So lets get to it! Wash those hands, clean those toys, and lets all go to pound town, WITH OURSELVES!
In a world that often teaches us to feel shame or embarrassment around our bodies and desires, masturbation can be a radical act of self-love and acceptance. As Betty Dodson advocated, reclaiming pleasure is part of reclaiming power.